| Fack THIS |
[27 Aug 2005|11:01pm] |
Tuck is gone
Why should I even bother playing through injuries anymore??? So they can market me and trade me? Hell, no. I'm pulling a groin or something within the week and am going on the DL the rest of the year.
Goodbye Tuck, I'll miss you. Show the wild card division what game winning grand slams are all about
Hello DL
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[19 Aug 2005|03:54pm] |
I've been too busy nursing my many injuries to update, but I come back and find everyone offering advice columns.
I'm posting here to post some advice to Brian Sabean however. It has come to my attention recently that Michael Tucker may be traded to MIN or NYM. What gives, man?
First Grip and now this?
Sabean is just trying to break up the tripod that got him 192 wins the last two years. If Tuck does in fact get traded I am officially going on the DL for the first time. Plain and simple. It won't be hard to find a reason, I can give about 20.
To quote Marquis...this is bullshit (PS Sabes I know about the waivers)
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| There is no joy in Mudville |
[19 Jul 2005|06:01am] |
Just when the Sugarman is getting hot, god decides to punish the team even more. Now they are truly screwed. I'm sorry, but Seabiscuit cannot do all the things I do on the field. As I limped into the dugout I could feel the pain of the crowd.
I think the Giants are just cursed. Anyone who carries this team seems destined for injury. First Barry, then Fonzi, now Me. Watch out Tuck it's going to come for you next. Maybe Niekro, Matheny, and Alou will be after that. Only Schmidt and Tomko are safe!
Our only hope is for me to Heal my heel, if not Sabean may as well trade everyone because this one is truly lost.
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| Me and Tuck part 2 |
[17 Jul 2005|11:53pm] |
Seriously, in tomorrow's box score I think me and Tuck are the only names that should be in there. Let's just face facts, we've carried this team on our backs. Now I know how Barry feels and since he's on the DL he knows how I feel. Quite a role reversal if you ask me.
We came into this four game set looking to make a statement and that statement was made: Don't mess with me and Tuck. We may be missing the third leg of the tripod, but we are still strong.
Ellison tried to weasel his way into the tripod, citing his 2 out double and the fact he plays Grip's position, but Tuck was quick to remind of his batting average in the last 2 weeks. Ellison then proceeded to cry and ran off faster than Schmidt and Niekro to a hair club for men meeting.
Then Omar later tried with one of his meager attempts. "what about MY threee run homer?" or "what about my barehand pickup saving a run?". We laughed and told him the San Francisco ballet might have a spot for him, but we certainly did not. Much too my surprise, Omar beamed with excitement and thanked me for the referral. I guess sarcasm doesn't exist in Valenzuela. I should've already known that by Fonzi's reaction when we told him "we could really see the weight loss"
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| Me and Tuck |
[15 Jul 2005|11:40pm] |
What can I say that hasn't already be said. Me and Tuck yet again choose to carry this offense on our back. At first I was a little upset at Tuck for being in my leadoff role, but then I realized that's Felipe's fault. Had we switched my doubles would've been ignighters and Tuck could have a patented grand slam.
Oh well, can't complain too much about our 8 for 10 tandem. Noah did well tonight, much better than our "ace" did yesterday.
All in all it was a good win, and my amazing ability to hit the double buried the dodgers early.
I think I'll celebrate by calling Grip and tell him what he's missing. Imagine the offense tonight had the tripod been in tact rather than just me and Tuck.
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| Fuck you Jim Edmonds |
[09 Jul 2005|10:39pm] |
The Sugarman hadn't posted in awhile due to the hotness I was on followed by the subsequent injury. It was so frustrating I almost cried, but I held my tears because I worried if the team saw me cry I might get sent to the bulpen. At the time there was a lot of that going around.
Today I continued my hotness with two hits and a run. In a game of six hits I was basically a third of our offense. I would have had 3 hits and an rbi had Jim Edmonds not robbed me of extra bases. Had Ellison hit that ball it certainly wouldn't have been caught. The reason being I drove that to the opposite field, something Ellison does not have the ability to do. Thank god for me and Tuck and our hotness because where would this team be without it??? I'll tell you where, behind the Rockies. Isn't it enough we're the two most styling Giants that we have to carry the offense as well?
I'd give Moises "all-star" Alou his credit today, but I don't mind offending him because he is the son of Felipe and as such does have the intellectual capacity to read. If he did, he might be able to read that Ellison is 2 for his last 27 and obviously cannot hit. It's a fact Felipe. And he runs like a bitch. I may not have the wheels I used to, but at least I don't run like a bitch. And then cry like Tomko after losing the July 4th game for us.
DVD pick of the week: Million Dollar Baby. It won best picture and when Morgan Freeman clocks the young punk fighter I was reminded of what Grissom plans to do to Ellison when he returns from the DL.
For Schmidt, I'd reccomend "Finding Neverland". Maybe it can inspire you to find your fastball
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| Back in the leadoff |
[23 Jun 2005|08:33am] |
Back in leadoff and we win.
Coincidence? I think not.
My rbi single opened the floodgates. Hopefully Felipe learned from his mistakes and I'm back in there tomorrow.
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| Owwww |
[18 Jun 2005|09:11am] |
In case you guys weren't watching today I almost got hurt again. It sucked. I was light headed and really dizzy. Thankfully, I'm doing fine. I think the team let out a collective sigh. I watched the Samuel L. Jackson scenes in Unbreakable to make me feel better. That guy is the best actor ever!
"Yes I believe they should DIE, and I hope they burn in hell"
Powerful stuff. That's how I feel "about Schmidt". Hahaha. Who said the Sugarman is a humorless fuck? Obviously not.
I heard on FoxNewsSports that Sabean tried to trade me to the MEts for Kaz Matsui. What kind of shit is that??? Matsui is the worst thing to come out of Japan since anime. Oh, how I hate anime.
That pisses me off, but it just gives me more fuel to succeed. Get ready America, the Sugarman is ready to bust out. Then I don't have to hear anymore shit from Omar about his switch hitting, because that bitch still can't hit from the right side. That was all luck. If you're reading Omar, give me my leadoff spot back. Oh how I miss it. At least Ellison isn't in there anymore.
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| I was the offense tonight |
[09 Jun 2005|12:11am] |
I hit a monster homerun while the rest of the guys didn't do didly squat. This upsets the Sugarman. To conserve energy and avoid injury I like to do as little as possible and this is how you guys repay my kindness?
Bullshit.
On a happier note, Omar hurt his mouth due some tooth infection. Most people assume this is a snack related injury. I however, beg to differ. He confided to me he doesn't even eat his own snacks!!! This leads me to believe his mouth injury has something to do with Brett Tomko. Julia, you may have competition. Watch out!
Although I'd much rather be turning double plays with Omar than Seabuiscut over there. Did you see that Clydesdale take the DP by himself. Fuck that! Put the ball in my hands.
On to a happier note, my dvd pick of the week:
THE MACHINIST
Really cool movie because it makes you think (although that can be bad if you're Tomko's wife). The actor, Christian Bale, lost 64 lbs for his part. And he doesn't make 6 million a year...Fonzi should take a hint there. Finally, I enjoyed this movie a lot because the bad guy is a bald, ugly guy (like Schmidt). Having bad guys like Schmidt make it really relateable to me.
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| Double header |
[05 Jun 2005|07:21pm] |
We played well when our ace, Brett Tomko, pitched. I tied the game and we played well as a team.
When that loser Schmidt pitched, you'll notice how poorly our play way. As promised I played poor defense behind Schmidt. I didn't call off JT on that key Reyes play. I couldn't make obvious errors like last time, because this is National TV. My strategies had to be subtle.
If you're wondering why I made that great bare handed play, my thoughts were that Schmidt already had been rocked so his National embarrasment was already large enough. I might as well make myself look good at that point.
P.S. CF was an adventure. I don't like it, but the good part is I was only there because Ellison got hurt. Grip will be ecstatic.
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| Rainout |
[03 Jun 2005|10:58pm] |
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music |
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Raindrops keep falling on my head |
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Today was rained out and you know what, I'm fucking GLAD.
That stupid old man scratched me out of the lineup tonight and for what? I'm not hurt, the only thing that is gonna get hurt while I'm in the lineup is left handed pitching. Everyone knows I kill left handed pitching. What the fuck is the deal Felipe???
This is God's way of saying put Ray in the lineup and bench that pink shirt wearing punk Omar Vizquel vs lefties. Watching Vizquel hit against lefties is like watching Schmidt pitch against the Padres...ugly.
He held a meeting today with us "hitters" but for some reason Omar Vizquel and Jason Ellison showed up. I didn't think they'd be included in that category.
I got an aim name in case you want to contact me and talk about DVD's or switch hitting: SugarManDurham
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| Sugarman DVD pick of the week |
[29 May 2005|07:53pm] |
As you all know in my past I've spent significant time on the DL recovering from my ailing injuries. While not at camp Conte I would be at home with down time. So as a result I spent a lot of my time watching movies, more specifically DVD's, and this hobby has continued. I watch at least one DVD a week (sometimes more, depending on health) and I decided it'd be a good idea to share my thoughts on them with you, my readers, each week.
Today will be the first installment, so I figured I'd start with my favorite movie of all time.
"Unbreakable"
The movie itself is very interesting because it's about superheroes and villians, and has a shock ending on par with the shock of seeing Ellison get two hits today. What really drives this movie, however, is the brave acting job of Samuel L. Jackson (some of you may know him as Shaft or Mace Windu). His character is a man with a very brittle bone structure and thus is very susceptable to injury. Jackson makes the character totally relatble and his portrayal is fantastic. Why the Academy passed him up, I have no idea. It's like passing me up in the leadoff spot, it's just a mystery.
The other cool part of the film is Bruce Willis. He makes me laugh because he is "unbreakable" and yet can be hurt by water. What a fool. And then the director up and uses this "water weakness" again in his next movie "Signs". Seriously man, what's the deal? Water is not dangerous, running the bases at full speed is. Willis is also funny because he is bald and white and reminds me of Schmidt. Only, unlike Schmidt, Willis can beat the Padres.
Hope you enjoyed it, I'll post a new one next week!
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| This is bogus man |
[27 May 2005|10:43pm] |
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All By Myself - Celine Dion |
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I have to say it's tough when you're responsible for two thirds of the offense. I called up my buddy Paul DePodesta, who suggested I be traded for while assistant GM in Oakland, and he did the numbers and sure enough here's how they stack up for tonight.
33.3% of all hits and RBI belong to Ray Durham
66.6% of all Runs belong to Ray Durham
Then he came up with the Sabermetric formula for the Giants offense. Giants offense - Ray Durham = Pathetic
I shouldn't bash them all, Tuck had a nice night, but what the fuck man, you're in my spot in the lineup??? I realize I showed the type of power tonight of a cleanup man, but I should be up there at the top.
No new injuries to report tonight, but my neck was feeling a little funny from staring up at the sky asking God why I'm the only one that can hit Brian Lawrence. I'll probably stop by Conte's on the way to the park tomorrow, I drop by so often he gave me a set of his keys.
Tomorrow Lowry better be dealing, because the Sugarman only gets 4 at bats a game to do damage. Hopefully Stauffer doesn't pitch around me, because my eye is too good to allow me to swing at bad pitches.
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| Owww my toe |
[25 May 2005|11:28pm] |
My ingrown toenail is currently more painful than watching Jason Ellison try to bunt. Or almost as much seeing Omar Vizquel try to switch hit. It kept me out of the lineup tonight, but fear not, I will return tomorrow.
People like Schmidt like to throw around words like "soft" (yet who has been on the DL more this year?) but the truth is it takes a lot out of a player to go on a 13-game hitting streak. No one on this team has done it so far, so they obviously wouldn't know what it's like. It's rough having to be on base so much with my .382 OBP that it's only natural that I would hurt my foot at some point.
It could be worse though, this is only and ingrown pain on my toe. Grip has an ingrown pain on his ass known as Jason Ellison
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| What's the deal Felipe? |
[24 May 2005|10:56pm] |
Another day, another game, another win, another super performance from yours truly, the Sugarman. And yet I'm not at the top of lineup where I belong??? First it was Omar and now it's that punk bitch Ellison. Excuse me Felipe, but the last time I checked it was Ray Durham that has the most career at bats hitting and has the higher OBP.
Some people blame it on the "wheels" of those two who have a combined total of 17 steals. Well, I may only have one now but that's only because I'm a smart player. After Billy Beane said those mean things about me and the stolen base in "Moneyball" I decided that those really aren't needed anymore. Meanwhile Omar is getting gunned trying to steal second off of some little punk with goggles.
And that bitch Ellison? Sure he gunned Bradley at the plate, but Bradley should've been out at second in the first place. Matheny gunned him, but Felipe had Omar covering the bag instead of yours truly. Omar may have all those gold gloves, but if I had been covering the ump would've seen the light. No one can sell a tag like the Sugarman. As for Ellison's offense in the leadoff spot it made me want to cry (but Tomko does that enough around here). I'm sorry Jason but how many failed bunts is that? Maybe you need a little work with Kirk Rueter to learn the art of the sacrifice bunt. You could learn a lot on how to hit from Woody. Nice error in the 7th as well! It must be really hard fielding those grounders 300 feet away from the plate.
Anyway, back to myself I was pretty incredible tonight with those doubles. That second one took about 10 pitches from that punk Weaver (I got your back Tuck). I haven't seen Omar or Ellison having 10 pitch at bats in MY leadoff spot. Felipe will see the light soon and realize that I belong in the leadoff spot to make things happen. Is it really a coincidence that the two inning I lead off leads to four runs? The Sugarman thinks not
P.S. That strike three in the ninth was bullshit. I just didn't want to argue with the umpire because my doctor tells me I could strain my jaw if I yell too much. Plus I didn't want to deprive Matheny of my stolen base tags if someone got on base.
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